Facebook and Blogging

I gave up Facebook for Lent. And it is funny - I am one of quite a few people I know who has. There may be more people, but alas, I have not been on Facebook to see who has. :)

I thought it was important for me to do so because the time I have been wasting on that site is too much. I used to blog once upon a time :), but haven't really since Facebook became a part of my life. So much easier to read other people's updates and see what they are doing and not connect in any way myself. I don't update my status a lot, unless I would like someone to give me recommendations since we moved, or when life is a little rough so I can have someone commiserate with me. I used to love blogging, I felt more real and heartfelt on here than I ever felt on Facebook.

So, yesterday I actually read some people's blogs. And looked at some photo blogs. I love photo blogs - all those creative people out there with interesting ways and ideas for capturing others lives and memories. One blog I spent a lot of time on was my friend's photo-a-day blog. She captures and captions a photo each day of her family. Then when the year is over, she has it printed into a book. What a great way to keep focussed on the little moments. And to pay attention to what is interesting your children, to remember the little things that they are into, because those things seem to change week by week.
I have decided to do this myself. I don't know if I will blog the photos, or share them if I do, but I am going to take a picture daily of my family. I am so thankful for them and want to be more expressive about that. Hopefully I will so grow and stretch as a photographer in the process. I seem to have forgotten everything I learnt so long ago and rely on my settings far too often.

I always think I should have some sort of pithy thing to say at the end of a post. Much like how I feel like a status update I put on Facebook should be witty or significant. But I don't find myself pithy or witty, which is probably why I don't post that often. Hopefully it doesn't stop my blogging again too.

Worry, worry, worry

I was reading a blog this morning - going back over some old posts she had written, and came across one that the title was simply "Worry". The blog author had been given a devotional on worry and this was the part she had included.

One day I was reading my Bible and noticed how Martha’s worries were making her weary, and making her wonder if Jesus cared that her sister left her in the kitchen to do all that work, all by herself.

And listen to how He responded: “‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’” (NIV)

So, how do we choose what is better? How do we let go of our worries and take hold of confident peace that assures us God notices and God cares?

First Peter 5:7 tells us: “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” (NLT)

The apostle Paul tells us the same and he tells us how: “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7, NLT)

It sounds so doable, but why is it so hard? I think it’s because Satan whispers the opposite. He tells us, “Don’t be calm about anything; instead worry about everything. Tell God what He should do. Then take control if He doesn’t listen. And concerns that consume you will become like acid in your heart, eroding your confidence with worry and doubt!”

Instead of giving into the whispers of worry, spoken by the enemy, let’s listen to God’s promise for peace. When we feel overwhelmed by life this week, let’s commit to …

• Stop worrying — Press the pause button on our consuming concerns.

• Start praying — Talk to God about all we’re doing. Ask if there’s anything we need to cut back so we can seek Him as much as we serve Him, and others.

• Keep thanking God — Thank God for what He’s done in the past and will do in the future. This helps us remember how good He is at being God.

I am twisted in knots of worry over the fact that our house has not sold yet and we are getting possession of the new house on FRIDAY! I was doing so much better about not being a worrier, not taking the control back from God, not telling God what He should do, but of course as soon as we said yes to God, yes to following His leading back into ministry, yes to trusting, that is when I was attacked. And the funny part is that during the decision making process, Satan was attacking our children - keeping them up at night, crying out and disturbing Mommy and Daddy's sleep as well as their own off and on for hours. Them being grouchy and crying in the morning - off and on all morning having meltdown after meltdown, trading off so their parents were ready to send them all back. So we have been bathing them in prayers - prayers of protection as well as ones that they will be filled with joy, love and that they will be free from the arrows Satan was flinging at them. And it has been good. Our focus has been on God and His ability to keep our children safe and to do SO MUCH MORE than we can imagine.
But, I have not been praying for ME, for MY protection, for MY trust and ability to REST in God's promises. That He will NEVER fail me, He is good at being in the driver's seat,
"HE is ABLE, He will NEVER fail, He is Almighty God, Greater than all we seek, Greater than all we ASK, He has done great things" (from Hillsong's new song "God is Able").
I need to stop worrying, and need to start praying for myself and the attacks that I am experiencing as well as resting in God and TRUSTING Him that He can do so much more than I can imagine and start thanking Him for all that He has done.

Breaking the silence

It's been forever since I posted here and even longer since I wrote anything. Kind of ironic that on a Wednesday - "Wordless Wednesday" - I choose to break the "silence" with a post, with words. :)
I was writing a friend last night and got going and when I was finally done, I looked at what I wrote and thought, "hey, that would be a good blog post!" So here it is... I added in a bit to make it flow better.
Life has been a little insane and crazy at our house. We are good here, life is a little up in the air and that makes it stressful at times, but all in all we are good. Kids are growing too fast, but you know all about that. R is becoming a little man and has been a little challenging lately with some talking back - we are trying to nip that in the bud. K also has an independent streak a mile wide with a mind of her own. :) And little Miss A can be stubborn as well. But no one said parenting wouldn't be a challenge. They are also the ones who bring me the most joy and happiness from just looking at me and grinning, or taking my hand, or wrapping their arms around my neck and squeezing til I can't breath. And they are the ones that cause my heart to skip a beat when they come running after I have been away, even for 10 minutes yelling "Mommy, Mommy!" They are also the ones who I see in the morning and just missed them all night. And the ones who I laugh at when they say cute things or do silly little antics. Yeah, I love being their mom.
I have slipped into a couple of weeks of depression after the May Long, seems like nothing I did was worth anything or getting me anywhere, showing any progress or "fruit" for my efforts whatsoever. But Monday I got out for a coffee and spent some time just journaling - in a book :) - haven't done that in awhile! Well, got a few things figured out and chose to be less self focused and think more about others and my family in particular. The words I wrote last night encouraged me, because I was feeling everything but loving being a mom. I have started reading 3-2-1 Magic - a parenting book that two different friends have recommended to me. I am in sore need of something and am looking forward to an even better relationship with my kids.
Probably doesn't hurt as well that I have gotten back into exercising in the past week and the endorphins are doing good things to my brain. :)
Well, the household stuff is calling. We'll see when I post again. :)

Imperials

Oh, this post by Dixie took me back down memory lane. I love, love, love "I Believe" and it has been so long since I listened to it. Thanks for the refresher, Dixie!
My growing up years were filled with the Gaither Vocal Band, The Gaither Trio and my all-time favorite group is The Imperials. I still love their music the best and looked them up on YouTube today and cuddled K while listening to the songs from long ago. Apparently Imperials are now recording again as "The Classic Imperials." Now that I no longer work in a Christian bookstore, I am out of the loop. :)
My favorite all-time album of theirs has to be "Imperials Live (Baylor University)" from 1978. "Sonshiny Day" and "Sail On", "Bread Upon the Water" and "The Good Old Gospel Ship" all great songs. Armond Morales' bass voice gets me every time. I love the deep bass from gospel songs, they do four part harmony better than any other genre.
I will leave you with "Bread Upon the Water" from the 70's, I believe just for Armond Morales' vocals.

and couldn't resist "One More Song for You".

Poor me

Do you ever have a "poor me" time? I am sitting here - have been evaluating life over the past while and thinking that I need a change. Something needs to be shaken up, to become different.
I am LOVING my family, LOVING my family. Did I say that I am LOVING my family? Well, I am LOVING my family. We have the best time together, our kids are awesome, my DH has always been great, but lately has been the best hubby and father that I could wish for. (I'm so thankful for you M! I love you so much!) We have been spending lots of time together lately, had an amazing Christmas, and I have absolutely NO complaints in that department.
Just the rest of life seems off. I have been feeling out of it in the friends department. I have never been one to have LOTS of close friends. I grew up moving from place to place because of my father's job, then when we did settle down it was in a place where those friends around me kept coming in and out of my life. I have many periphery friends and people who I can see now and again and enjoy their company, but really right now I have only a couple friends who I would consider telling anything to and whom I would like to spend significant time with. And I feel badly because they have MANY friends themselves and I feel like what do they need me for? This sounds like a song on repeat for me. Have I wrote about this before? It feels like it, and I am sorry if this sounds familiar to you as well.
I confess I am a people pleaser - I like people to like me. And I do not have a lot of troubles getting along with people and talking to pretty much anyone. It is developing deeper, trusting relationships with people that I have troubles with. I am always holding back, partly because I am afraid of investing and then being separated from that person, and partly because I am afraid that someone would get to know me and find it a waste of time. I'm not that interesting or quirky, I don't have anything extra special that would cause people to desire a relationship with me. And unfortunately, I seem to be attracted (not in the boy-girl sense, in the friendship way) to people who I think do not have a need for another close friend. Their "friend holes" are all filled. And then I think, maybe I am being judge-y and not looking closely enough at someone who I might get along with really well, if I just spent the time getting to know them.
Wow, this sounds depressing. And very much like I have a low self-esteem. I don't, just am in that "poor me" state. It'll probably be better tomorrow. And because I do not want to worry about whether or not people will comment or on the other hand make it seem like I am looking for affirmation, I am going to turn the comments off.
Here's to a better tomorrow.

Guilty Confession

I have something a little embarrassing to admit - I enjoy some boy bands. Especially the videos. A little because I like the moves they all do in unison or one after the other (actually it is not that bad as I kind of laugh at how silly it looks), and a lot because I LOVE the harmonies that they usually have. The words to the songs are usually a little juvenile , or way too old for these boys to be singing or the young ladies who are their target audience to be listening to. Or, if you are OLD like me (yikes, I am getting closer and closer to 35 everyday!) it is a little silly to be listening to teenagers sing those songs. My DH teases me mercilessly when he catches me listening to or *GASP* singing along to them.
The reason why I brought it up is that I was curious after watching this week's episode of GLEE whether or not the actor who plays Artie (Kevin McHale) was actually in a wheelchair. He is not, was actually in a boy band called NLT and dances well. I had to check it out. They apparently split this year. Then I found that they did one Christmas song - Silent Night - that is beautiful and you can listen to it here if you care to. There is nothing I like MORE than good Christmas music and doing beautiful harmonies and a new arrangement to the classic carols is awesome.
Good thing I am going to my sister's tomorrow to Christmas bake - we can listen to her *NSYNC Christmas album!

Gotta get a massage

Yesterday I went to the chiropractor after almost a month of not being there, and I was in quite a bit of pain, mostly my neck. So she adjusted my neck and I felt the release all the way down to my toes. Now however, the muscles that were used to holding my neck in that weird place and are back to where they should be are crying in protest.
It kind of parallels how there are often times in my life when I know there is something wrong in my spiritual life. I am totally "in pain" (usually feeling really dry and out of place) and know that there is something that I need to change, but I am afraid of the resultant pain I will feel from the change, because I am used to how things are in that place of no movement. I am not a poet or a philosophical person, but that is what came to me.
I know there is more depth there and I want to explore it, but it is late right now, I am tired and hurting in my shoulder and neck and really want to go to sleep. Just wanted to get it down while it was still on my mind. Hope you all have a great sleep and talk to you tomorrow.

Laid Bare

Do you ever feel like a failure?
I feel like a failure today - in all areas. As a mom, a homemaker, a business owner, as a wife, as a blogger and as a someone who has a relationship with God. Or not very strong relationship with God - we haven't talked a lot or spent much time together lately.
It's funny - I really enjoy blogging and keeping up with people I have known for years and years - getting to know them really, in a different way - and people who I met in the blogosphere, but some days I feel like a failure in comparison to other moms.
I am definitely not supermom like some of these moms seem. And I don't know if it is because the only parts of their lives that I know is their blogs and you put only what you want on your blog, but I feel like I will never measure up to a lot of these other moms.
I find it all comes down to comparisons... my comparing myself to other moms, other wives, other bloggers, other people in my life of business. And I am not measuring up.
Tomorrow starts another month - a new, fresh month... one that has no mistakes, no preconceived notions, no need for regrets. I get to start anew and be the best that I can be.
Here's to April!

Random Facts 2

One of my favorite current CDs is Daughtry. M got it for his birthday and had it in the Suzuki for the first couple of months and then when my cousin got married in RD, we brought it into the van and its ben there ever since. My poor kids have to listen to my music right now rather than kid CDs. (As an aside - Do kids' CDs annoy the life out of anyone else out there? Eventually I tune them out, but would really appreciate any suggestions on ones that are not annoying! Some Veggie Tales ones are OK - I love the campfire one - but we got R the Worship VT CD for Christmas and I always want to throw the CD player out the window as its so annoying!)
As I was listening to it for the first time, hearing the lyrics I thought "Wow, this sounds a lot like lyrics that a Christian artist would sing." Sure enough, when reading the thank yous - he thanked his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ (I believe that it what the line was).
The sound is great, his voice is powerful and his lyrics are deep and I would highly recommend this CD to anyone.

Yesterday...

So yesterday was a little hard. V was here from last Thursday to Tuesday and she was such a help. I love having V come - she always plays lots with R and bakes with me, pardon me, bakes. (I don't bake a lot - though I did make pistachio cranberry white chocolate bark all by myself! Oh right V put the tin foil on the cookie sheet. :) I am getting much better, I make muffins on a regular basis now and have gone through almost one and a half big bags of flour since April!)

Back to my yesterday... V left on Tuesday night and that night I was feeling all weepy and down. I just felt like I couldn't do enough for my kids, R especially. He got so much play time with V and got to go outside and LOVED it so much. I felt like all I am ever doing is feeding the girls, R and keeping my head above water. Yesterday was just as bad, and it felt like no one really understood. Which is a little weird, because we went over to L's for a play date. R got into a fight with J 4 times, I think. He was shoving him quite a bit. And I was getting frustrated that he wouldn't listen and I was getting grouchier by the minute. Poor A, I think she saw me at my most frustrated. It was probably good that we were there, because if we'd have been at home I probably would've yelled at R and may have caused some emotional damage.

When we got home I tried to get ahold of DH several times and there was no answer. (Found out later that yesterday he was moving to his old office on the 8th floor again.) When I did talk to him he was so busy that he seemed distracted and not impressed that I was bugging him about this. This was my perception of course, not reality. I think he just wants to know what he can DO, but I don't know what I want him to do, just that I want to talk to someone. A little sympathy. It is hard for me sometimes to be content at home. I love people, I love being around people, talking with people and am very definitely an extrovert. I feel like I should have gotten my "fix" at A's and frankly am wondering why I needed a pick-me-up when V was here all weekend, but hey. I think because I have not really gotten any time away from the kids for awhile, that is why I am down.

Don't get me wrong... I LOVE my kids. I LOVE being a mom. I LOVE everything about staying at home with them, the good stuff at least. I never miss the things that they do, their progress, the cute little things that R does and says, the girls talking and cooing.

I do miss being in the workforce though. I miss daily interactions with people. I must admit that am jealous of my husband. I am jealous of the social interactions that he gets, the comraderie with his co-workers, and especially right now I am jealous of all the Christmas stuff that they are doing. It seems that every time I call him there is something going on - going out to buy gifts for the family they adopted for Christmas, wrapping the gifts while eating lunch together, going to deliver the gifts. Today he was supposed to take some of the Christmas baking with to work to share... it was on the counter when I got up this morning. I was a little ticked because I'd gone and put it together at 11 p.m. when he reminded me last night. After which the conversation that I'd hoped to have with him never happened because by the time I got upstairs after putting the baking together he was fast asleep.

It's hard to have conversations these days with DH. He's exhausted after work because he's been up since 6 a.m. and has fought traffic to get to work - right now people driving awfully because of the weather and roads - and spent 8 hours or more working at the computer - then fights traffic home. When he gets home we eat and he tries to spend time with the kids, R especially. If he sits down to talk to me while I feed the girls, he often falls asleep during it. Last night instead of me getting away from the kids for a short time, I got to put R to bed while DH shoveled the walk and ran the van for awhile to warm it up. A necessity in this weather. We then put the girls to bed and I had my first time to myself all day yesterday - I took a bath and read for an hour. It was great! Unfortunately, due to other things we never got to finish our conversation.

Let's just say that yesterday was not a good day and I hoped today would be better.

And then I came downstairs to find the container of cookies on the counter and called DH, who was in the van going to deliver the Christmas gifts. And I could hear them all laughing about it, how DH was in the doghouse now. And all I could think was about how I lost my opportunity to talk to another adult, more importantly my husband, for nothing. And now I am crying. Maybe today won't be any better. And I just remembered that I have to go to the dentist tonight. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing that I have kids and can't climb back into bed and shut the world out for the day.

5 things you may not know about me...

I have been tagged! There is a first time for everything. Thank you to A I get to do this little meme! I cannot think of anything right now, so may have to come back to this. Hmmm, let me ponder. Anyways, while I am thinking here are the rules: Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog. Share 5 facts about yourself on your blog (some random, some weird). Tag 5 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs and then let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

1. My biggest peeve is mistakes in a church program or printed materials of any sort. I know that it is easy to miss things when you are the one who has written it, but it doesn't take much time to hit the spellcheck button and go through your words, nor does it take a lot for 1 or 2 people to double check your work. Especially when it is a full color printed postcard that we are supposed to hand out to our friends. I think it makes the church look like presentation is not important. (And it's not just the church that I am at currently - every one that I have gone to - not including GVCC - they were really good about that - and ones that I visit have this. Drives me nuts!)
2. I don't like plain tomato soup - I used to eat it with crackers, but my cousin introduced me to tomato soup with grated cheese and goldfish one time when I visited them and I have not been able to eat it plain ever since!
3. I have an auto-immune disorder called Sjögren's Syndrome. Sjögren's syndrome is an autoimmune disorder in which immune cells attack and destroy the exocrine glands that produce tears and saliva. Look it up here if you want to know more. For me it is manageable, you treat the symptoms (dry eyes and mouth mainly) and live life. Once we're done having kids I can go on medication that will virtually eliminate the symptoms.
4. I have the travel bug. I have always had the itch and it has gotten worse as we travelled. We went to Mexico on a missions trip in the summer of 2002, then on vacation there in March 2003, to Australia and New Zealand when I was pregnant with R (June/July of 2005). I thought it was scratched, but it is now back full blown. I am looking forward to seeing the British Isles and Europe next, though I don't know when that will be.
5. I like to have a lot of blankets on when I sleep. The heavier the feeling of the covers, the better. Probably has a lot to do with the fact that I like being warm and I got used to sleeping with a fan in college, so we have one on in our room no matter what the season.

I am going to tag A, V, H, K, and Mom of a Munchkin. Can't wait to read your lists ladies!

Having a hard time trusting

Two things that God says - "Do not worry, I will take care of you" and "I will will never give you more than you can bear." So why does it feel right now that I cannot bear what God has given me and that I am worrying about everything?
I do not feel like sharing details, but today is a not so good day. It's not anything big, just a bunch of little things. I have one night of good sleep in the past week. I even gave up caffeine, hoping that would help and Sunday night was OK, then Monday night was good. Last night, back to being up for a couple of hours. This doesn't make my frame of mind that great and I worry and I fret and I am having a very hard time trusting God that He really - OK, sorry to say this, but - gives a flying fig about my family. Everyone else He seems to bless and then I wonder if it's because I am not doing all that I can do in our relationship and I think, "No, He's God, He's supposed to love me like a daughter and not withhold things because I am not doing everything I can. I would do anything I could to make sure that R has everything he needs and make sure he is never hurting and certainly that he always knows that I care about him."
I think honestly that "The Prayer of Jabez" is misleading. "Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request." 1 Chronicles 4:9-10 Do you remember that book that was based on this verse? And all the spin offs - "Prayer of Jabez for Women", "Prayer of Jabez for Kids" and all the paraphernalia which made my husband almost blow a gasket at all the Christian retail companies who seem to exploit things for profit (but that is beside the point! :). We all got on this bandwagon and prayed this prayer - Bruce Wilkinson who wrote the book promised that if you say this prayer for 30 days, just watch and you will see God bless you. What a crock! God never promised us this! This verse was about a specific person, one who God did choose to bless. But for the everyday regular Joe Christian, God promised that we will have trials (which we do) but He will get us through (OK, I am having a hard time believing that today).
I know that tomorrow will probably be better, in fact life will probably look better if I just go and have a nap now. Rest does a body good, right. But at this moment I just needed to vent and spill a little and wish for a moment or two that everything in my life turned up sunny and rosy all the time.
I have so much to be thankful for, so much. A house that I love - it is a great size - not too big and not too small. We got into the Calgary market at a good time, so not tons of debt! I have a car that I enjoy and runs well. I have family and friends nearby who I can visit with. I have friends far off who I can call when I need to chat. I have a husband who is a hard worker, provides for our family, who I can laugh with and love and who loves me lots! I have a son who I am watching grow up and I am loving every minute of it. One who tells me "Wuv Mommy" and asks me if I am OK when I cry.
If you think to, please pray for me and for DH today - we could use it.

Always early

So it's not yet two months until Christmas and I have Christmas music going in my house. The library had their Christmas music out and I saw the Barenaked Ladies album in the bin - I had to borrow it out because I've been wondering whether or not I'd like to buy it. It's pretty good, though I'd probably only play it minimally, so I'll stick with the borrowing. Though it has quite a few Hanukkah songs which I'd never heard before, so that's neat.
I LOVE Christmas music - it's my favorite of all kinds of music! DH thinks I start it way too early, but when you have good music, how can you only play it for a month of the year. We compromise though and I only play it when he is out of the house. Hopefully R will love Christmas music too so that I don't have to play it when he's out of the house too. Oh well, that's the great thing about being the mommy - he has no choice.

Just call me Murphy!

I was doing some stuff Thursday night and had Ellen on in the background. Her guest yesterday was Jessica Alba, who was promoting her new movie "Good Luck Chuck" in which she plays a very klutzy woman. I was very impressed with her - she was quite classy and seemed very down-to-earth, but that is not the point I wanted to touch on. Her character in the movie always had things happening to her, and Ellen asked if the character she played in the movie was anything like her in person. To which Jessica replied that it was more like her than any other role she has ever played. That she was always doing something. In the movie, her brothers called her "Murphy" as in if anything is going to go wrong it will.
That's me! In a nutshell. I think that we should change my nickname to "Murphy." (Now my husband will call me that. :) I am the most accident prone person I know and I know I have mentioned this before - if not on my blog, on R's. I am so bad that my husband finds out first if I am OK, then bursts out laughing whenever I do something or call him at work to report something that happened.
For example - about a month ago I was cutting R some fruit on a plate on the edge of the counter, the plate fell off the counter and landed on my big toe straight up and down at just the right angle that it got all swollen and hurt to walk for a week. Almost two weeks ago I stubbed my toes on the other foot on our couch so badly that I had one swell up to twice it's size and turn black as well as most of my upper foot. I am still having troubles walking without limping or pain. On Friday I was cleaning and washing the bathroom floor and somehow caught my toenail under the register cover and almost ripped it up. I constantly bump into walls and door frames - in my home! - and bump my head on cupboard doors. I am a total disaster... klutzier than anyone I know.
Stay tuned for what happens to me next... shouldn't be that long! :)

Our anniversary trip

**Warning - long post, though most of it is pictures***

DH and I took Tuesday just before noon until Thursday just after noon and went away, just we two. R stayed with my in-laws and they all had so much fun! We stayed at a B&B and enjoyed ourselves. We explored Powell River on Tuesday went kayaking off the Okeover Arm (sorry, no pics of that yet as we used our waterproof camera which has film! No quick viewing!) and took a look around Lund, then had supper at the Laughing Oyster Restaurant on Wednesday, explored the property of our B&B on Thursday and came home. It was so nice just to get away and enjoy each other's company without distraction.On the ferry - headed to Powell River for our anniversary trip.
Hotham Sound - you can see Freil Falls on the mountainside. DH and I have kayaked up to there a previous summer.
DH watching the sun setting over the water.
We two - excuse the camera shadow, but it was the best picture that we took of both of us this evening.
A totem at a lookout east of Powell River.
Boats at the marina at Lund, BC.
The sign at Lund - this is the very end of the 101 highway - you can see the end of the world from here! :)
Another pic of the boats in the harbour.
The view from our table at the Laughing Oyster Restaurant.
Some person had attached an Ultralite to a Zodiac boat and was flying it around. DH was extremely intrigued! He flew it so high, it disappeared over the mountain and was gone over half an hour. DH was genuinely concerned that something happened, but it appeared just as we were leaving. Good thing or DH would've worried all night about it! :)

My DH of 10 years!
Me - looking extremely tired.
Another view of the harbour
Us

10 years and still laughing together
The sunset from a lookout on the east side of Powell River.

The B&B we stayed at - Herondell Bed & Breakfast
There was a couple from Cornwall, England that were staying there as well, Greg and Hilary. They were going birdwatching most every day. We had breakfast together both mornings. The pie in the front was an anniversary pie for us!
Alex and Nancy Hollman, our hosts. They were so sweet, they gave us a balloon, and some drinks and a card and the pie for our anniversary. They live on 40 acres and have definitely made it a place that you would want to visit. It was very comfortable and relaxing. We had a room with two double beds and a bathroom that had a large shower with a seat it in and a deep jacuzzi tub. We would most definitely stay there again and if you are ever in Powell River, BC, you should too! :)
The gazebo and lake out back

Married for 10 years!

The lily pond in the front yard
Cutest license plate for a Smart Car - "Haf Car"
Look where they park it!

Some of the landscaping around the house

Test Driving a Subaru

So we test drove a 1997 Subaru Legacy L wagon yesterday night. We are debating about getting it - going to take it to a mechanic tomorrow and checked the VIN through www.carfax.com to make sure there were no problems we should know about. So tomorrow afternoon we should know whether or not I am going to be the proud new owner of a Subaru wagon. (*gasp! Never, never thought I would own a station wagon!*) Who would've thought a week ago that we'd be looking for a new vehicle, let alone buying one. Things certainly happen unexpectedly and unplanned.
I think that is why I am feeling really emotionally drained all of a sudden today. I got off the phone with the mechanic arranging a check with him and cried. For no reason. Just felt like crying. It's crazy - seemed like everything caught up with me. Between R's finger in the fan last week and my accident on Friday, making all our vacation arrangements and now looking for a vehicle - playing out all the scenarios with DH constantly, my house being a bit untidy and no matter how many times I clean up I never seeming to be able to keep up with it, I am feeling completely empty and stressed. I guess it is a good thing that we are going on holidays this weekend. :)

Facebook and balance

I am finding that I have been neglecting my blog lately. I am OK at writing on R's blog because I want to keep everyone updated on him -but for myself I let things go. I am also finding that with the great weather I am spending less time on the computer and what time I do is on Facebook. I am really liking Facebook and having the opportunity to catch up with people I haven't connected with in years.

It is funny, because DH still maintains that he will not "bow" to all the pressure to join in on the blog/Facebook phenomenon, but he did join Facebook "just to look around". He got a friend request from someone the next day and was so freaked out about it he refuses to accept it. I told him that he is trying to fight a losing battle. He could catch up with so many people if he'd just give in.

I need to figure out how to balance everything in my life - my family, exercise, time out of doors, time on the computer, my spiritual life etc. Ooh, balance... the somewhat elusive friend.

Just rub the lamp

I have been thinking about this for about a week now and it became very fresh this morning as Kelly talked about it in church. Last Friday, before I was to have my open house the next day, I went to bed early, and prayed that we would all sleep well, as we had all been a little under the weather all week. I was woken at 12:23 to R crying. Normally I will go in there if he cries more than a few minutes and hold him in the rocking chair until he falls asleep - usually only 15 minutes - and then put him back to bed. This night he was awake for three hours in total. Every time I tried to put him back down he would awaken and start screaming like someone was hurting him and sobbing so badly that he would choke. I finally changed him, diaper and jammies and put music on and resolved myself to spending the night in the glider rocker if I had to. He then fell asleep, finally.
During this time, I thought about my prayer for all of us to have a good sleep and started questioning God a little, "You know that I need sleep and that I have an important day tomorrow!" I then thought, "What am I mad at God for? Why is this His fault? I am treating Him like He is a genie in a lamp, that I just have to rub the lamp and out He'll pop and I get whatever I want! And that is not right." (Yes, I do have deep thoughts at 2 in the morning. :) So this has been percolating in my mind for the last week and then this morning Kelly talked about what he called "Consumeristic Christianity". He talked about how we often make our spiritual life about us and what we can get - "God, give me money... God, make me successful... God, help my son to sleep through the night." - instead of it being about the kingdom of God here on earth, and my role and help in that being true. Consumeristic Christianity doesn't make us happy or take away the ache of life. So maybe we have missed the point in our spiritual journey being all about us... it should be all about God's kingdom.
I have fallen into this trap. Big time! Whoa, so big time! I do not know if it has gotten worse over the years. I believe it has, especially since we moved here, where it is all about what you have in comparison to the people around you and in your life. We live in the smallest house you could build in our area. We have old cars and furniture that has been passed down to us. I, especially in the last few months, have been very envious of people around me who have bigger houses and are getting even bigger houses because "they have outgrown their house." I have been jealous of people getting new vehicles and thinking to myself, "I wish we could get a new one too." Not that I am begrudging anyone what they have, I really am not. I am truly happy for everyone getting their new things, I just wish that we could have something new too, even new-to-us. I would love a couch that doesn't sag in the middle or a chair that has springs that work! I would love a vehicle that has air-conditioning and I will not bump my head on every time I get R out of his seat. I would love a house with a garage and a fireplace that I can curl up in front of a read a book on a crazy, snowy April Fool's Day. But I am mistaken in that I deserve all that, and that God should give it to me. I have been missing all my blessings, as well as the fact that I have so much to give - to the people around me who I know and love, to the people in my world that are disenfranchised, to the people who need help that I can give to them.
So, here are the blessings that I have:
1. I have a house with a mortgage payment that does not break us every month. One that is cozy, I can easily keep up with the schedule it takes to keep it clean, and it provides everything we need to live in. We have 2 bedrooms, a office/loft with many books, an open concept main floor that is roomy, large windows so it seems bright and spacious. We have a partially finished basement, with a futon where we can have overnight guests and they can have their own space.
2. I have not just one, but 2 vehicles that, though they may be older, both run well and have heat in the winter that works great! In the wintertime I can drive the Sidekick with its 4wheel drive and the summer I can drive the Corolla with its air-conditioning. I never have to be without a car nor do I have to get a sleepy boy out of bed to drive DH somewhere to be dropped off so that I can have a vehicle for the day.
3. I am not without anything that I need in my house. And we have been very blessed over the years to have people give us furniture. It's been such a blessing to not have to put out money to furnish the house, especially when we were in ministry and there was no extra money for that.
4. We are all very healthy at our house. Now, without trying to "jinx" the fact, I would like to say that R has never had the stomach flu and only occasionally is he sick enough that I need to give him Tylenol or other medication.
5. I am able to stay at home with R. This is huge! DH and I decided even before we got married that once we had children, I would stay at home. We wanted to be able to provide that stability and have our children be taught our values and be raised by mom. This is something both of us had growing up and we both wanted for our kids too. For us this is the best decision, though I know many people who make it work and it is better for their family to have mom work too. As I got to the end of my maternity leave with R I did debate about going back to work when DH could take care of him, but it honestly pained me to think about the fact that I might miss out on something R did while I wasn't there.
The fact that I am not working outside our home does mean that all those things that I keep wishing I had are not as easy to get, but look what I am getting in return. Days at home with my son, I see each development he makes as it happens. I see his little personality unfold and see his rough as well as good times. I get little hugs and kisses throughout the day. I get to go to Mom's group with him and see him interact with his little friends and grow in his social skills. It is a good life!
6. I have friends, both old and new, who do not mind when I am totally real with them. Ones I can laugh with and cry with, who I can talk about things that I love and hate and might be a taboo topic with other people. Friends who love me as I am.
7. I have a family who loves me and accepts me as I am. People who I would be friends with even if we weren't related - that's huge!
8. I have son who is amazing, creative, artistic and all around fun to be with. We lay in bed at night sometimes and laugh with joy at the one who is our son. we are so blessed to have him and as I type this, he is talking away at me, trying to communicate things that I do not yet know what. He is incredible!
9. I have a husband who loves me, who loves our son and spends time with him every day. He is someone I can laugh with, cry with, swear at sometimes (sorry M, I do love you!), be silly and stupid with. We have spent the best and the worst of times together, seen each other at our personal best and worst, and still have made it through together. We have travelled together, had adventures together, done ministry together, had a child together. We have been married almost 10 years now and I love him more than the day we got married. That's a blessing!
10. I know the God of the universe. He wants to have a relationship with me, and with you, and cares what is going on in my life and the lives of the people in the world around me. He wants to touch the world through me. That is amazing!
So, if I am ever complaining about my life, refer me back to this post.

What are your blessings?

Meh monster?

I am finding that I have no idea what to post about, so I have been not posting. This week has felt pretty blah and mundane. Lots has been happening with R, which I have been putting on his blog, but for me I am feeling "meh" (translation: blah, not caring about anything), other than about R and DH.
I think it is OK to have these times, as long as they don't become the norm. I think part of it has to do with the weather and it snowing a lot on Monday and Tuesday, just after most of the snow melted. Not that I thought spring had come - in Western Alberta in March, you got to be kidding me! :) R and I had gone for walks last week, DH came with us a few times and it was so nice to get out in the fresh air. I was thinking about it today, but R is teething a little grouchy, so he went down for a nap instead.
Well, that's my Thursday in a nutshell. Off to enter some receipts into the computer. Now that I'm caught up I don't want to get behind again! :)