My big helper

These days it seems my journey is all about the kids. I guess it is this stage in my life. DH commented on that on Sunday, not in a bad way, but just making a statement.
Yesterday I was packing up the kids to go to the chiropractor - my back got strained on Saturday again and is HURTING me. It happened when R was a baby too - took months to heal. Hopefully this time it will be much shorter as I know better what I all need to do to manage it. Anyway, I had the girls lying on the floor and had picked up K to put in her bucket seat. I heard R behind me saying "Here, Mommy, here!" I turned around and almost had a heart attack as he was standing there with his arms around A's middle, her little head bobbing a little. He'd picked her up and brought her around the coffee table for me! I never expected him to do that. And then he was so proud of himself and saying, "I a good helper, I a big helper!" and I couldn't scold him. I just told him that he was a good helper and next time, please only hold A or K when he was sitting down as he might accidentally drop her.
Guess I am going to have be careful to watch him when they are within his reach.
Oh, and if you think to, please pray the my back will heal, it's really difficult to parent well with a painful back. Thank you.

Transfer and an update

So today was an interesting day. For some reason, even though I was not feeling well this morning due to my blood pressure medication (still trying to get that balanced out) I felt that I NEEDED to be there for the 11:30 feeding. A nursed (PTL!) and K got fed by my grandmother who is in town for the weekend.
While they were feeding, a lady came in to tell us that they were going to be transferred to another hospital here in the city. It is about 10 minutes farther away from us so we will have to drive farther to visit. Apparently because they are doing so well, the Foothills is for "sicker" babies, so ours were the ones who got transferred. This is a good thing, we are told.
We got to the PLC after they had gotten settled and were given the tour of the NICU there. It is a lot more laid back than the Foothills and their philosophy is quite a bit different. K's feeding tube had been taken out just before her 11:30 feed and she is now on demand feeding, so whatever amount past her 42 ml she wants to drink, she can. A's tube was taken out within 10 minutes of us being there. They said they do everything they can to train them to bottle feed so that they can go home as soon as possible. Yeah for that! They also said that parents are to take temperatures and change diapers, that people we put on a visitor's list can visit without us (so the grandparents and aunts and uncle) as well as as many people as we want can be in there at a time. It felt like a big family there and I felt quite comfortable. The only downside is that the areas for each baby are extremely small.
They did an admitting exam for both girls and we found out something new. Apparently A has a heart murmur and there may be a chance that her heart hasn't closed between the two sides at different places. The doctor wasn't worried about it, they will watch her over the weekend and get an ultrasound on her heart on Monday or Tuesday, and he said as the heart is a muscle it may be healed by then. So yet another prayer request for you all out there. She is such a little fighter and a trooper, so if anyone can do it, she can! One the other hand, he said K presents like a "normal" baby. So that is a praise!
K was so wide awake and A was just crashed. She tried to suck on A's ear several times. It was so cute!Again with the profiles...
R had yet to meet his sisters as the hospitals have a policy that children without their immunizations cannot go into the NICU. The guys who were transporting the girls were nice enough to stop and let R see them. We have showed him a lot of pictures and talked about them all the time. (He "helps" me pump milk for "K-A" (he does say their entire names, not the initials) every time I pump. He turns the pump on and off and sometimes "pumps" his own by lifting his shirt and putting a lid from one of the bottles on his belly button. It is so adorable!)
He had such a look of wonder on his face and after they took the girls away, he threw a tantrum. Normally I don't like when he does that and greatly discourage it, but this time he was screaming about "my babies, I want my babies, bring back my babies!" Just about broke my heart. I do hope that he wants them around as much when they come home!

Conditions for release

DH and I went to the hospital for the girls 5:30 feeding tonight and I just happened to catch the shift change for the doctors, so was able to ask them what conditions it would take for our girls to come home. They told me that there were a few things. They have to be off the gavage (feeding) tube for 48 hours, eating from a bottle or nursing solely. And they have to be gaining weight steadily. They also have to have been without an apnea (where they stop breathing) or brady (where there heart stops) episode for 5 days. Apparently it is not only preemie babies or those in NICU that have these episodes, just most babies who are totally and entirely healthy do not have monitors on them 24-7 so no one really knows. The babies pull themselves out of it. A had a brady today, though she pulled herself out, so they are not too concerned. It did put our day count back to 0 though. I don't remember the last time K had a brady.
If you can all pray that A (and K) will not have any more bradys or apnea episodes, I would appreciate it. I want them to do well and have the best care possible, but I also want them to do so well and thrive and come home to me soon. This back and forth to the hospital is not fun at all, nor is feeling like when we are at the hospital we are taking away from R, and when we are at home that we are not there for the girls. I am trying hard to get rest, but it is a little difficult balancing and juggling everything. Thank you.

Prayer needed

If you think to - pray for us in the next few days. We have decisions to make about the house and what to do, and need wisdom.
Sorry I have been so silent in the past month - so many things crowding in on my mind and I feel scattered and stressed with the house showings and all the things that need to be done. The looming birth of these babies, and the unknown of when exactly that will be is a little disconcerting for a planner like DH and someone such as myself who needs reassurance of timing and how things will run.
I hope some/all of that makes sense... just boils down to, please pray for us if you think of it. :)

Having a hard time trusting

Two things that God says - "Do not worry, I will take care of you" and "I will will never give you more than you can bear." So why does it feel right now that I cannot bear what God has given me and that I am worrying about everything?
I do not feel like sharing details, but today is a not so good day. It's not anything big, just a bunch of little things. I have one night of good sleep in the past week. I even gave up caffeine, hoping that would help and Sunday night was OK, then Monday night was good. Last night, back to being up for a couple of hours. This doesn't make my frame of mind that great and I worry and I fret and I am having a very hard time trusting God that He really - OK, sorry to say this, but - gives a flying fig about my family. Everyone else He seems to bless and then I wonder if it's because I am not doing all that I can do in our relationship and I think, "No, He's God, He's supposed to love me like a daughter and not withhold things because I am not doing everything I can. I would do anything I could to make sure that R has everything he needs and make sure he is never hurting and certainly that he always knows that I care about him."
I think honestly that "The Prayer of Jabez" is misleading. "Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request." 1 Chronicles 4:9-10 Do you remember that book that was based on this verse? And all the spin offs - "Prayer of Jabez for Women", "Prayer of Jabez for Kids" and all the paraphernalia which made my husband almost blow a gasket at all the Christian retail companies who seem to exploit things for profit (but that is beside the point! :). We all got on this bandwagon and prayed this prayer - Bruce Wilkinson who wrote the book promised that if you say this prayer for 30 days, just watch and you will see God bless you. What a crock! God never promised us this! This verse was about a specific person, one who God did choose to bless. But for the everyday regular Joe Christian, God promised that we will have trials (which we do) but He will get us through (OK, I am having a hard time believing that today).
I know that tomorrow will probably be better, in fact life will probably look better if I just go and have a nap now. Rest does a body good, right. But at this moment I just needed to vent and spill a little and wish for a moment or two that everything in my life turned up sunny and rosy all the time.
I have so much to be thankful for, so much. A house that I love - it is a great size - not too big and not too small. We got into the Calgary market at a good time, so not tons of debt! I have a car that I enjoy and runs well. I have family and friends nearby who I can visit with. I have friends far off who I can call when I need to chat. I have a husband who is a hard worker, provides for our family, who I can laugh with and love and who loves me lots! I have a son who I am watching grow up and I am loving every minute of it. One who tells me "Wuv Mommy" and asks me if I am OK when I cry.
If you think to, please pray for me and for DH today - we could use it.