Breaking the silence

It's been forever since I posted here and even longer since I wrote anything. Kind of ironic that on a Wednesday - "Wordless Wednesday" - I choose to break the "silence" with a post, with words. :)
I was writing a friend last night and got going and when I was finally done, I looked at what I wrote and thought, "hey, that would be a good blog post!" So here it is... I added in a bit to make it flow better.
Life has been a little insane and crazy at our house. We are good here, life is a little up in the air and that makes it stressful at times, but all in all we are good. Kids are growing too fast, but you know all about that. R is becoming a little man and has been a little challenging lately with some talking back - we are trying to nip that in the bud. K also has an independent streak a mile wide with a mind of her own. :) And little Miss A can be stubborn as well. But no one said parenting wouldn't be a challenge. They are also the ones who bring me the most joy and happiness from just looking at me and grinning, or taking my hand, or wrapping their arms around my neck and squeezing til I can't breath. And they are the ones that cause my heart to skip a beat when they come running after I have been away, even for 10 minutes yelling "Mommy, Mommy!" They are also the ones who I see in the morning and just missed them all night. And the ones who I laugh at when they say cute things or do silly little antics. Yeah, I love being their mom.
I have slipped into a couple of weeks of depression after the May Long, seems like nothing I did was worth anything or getting me anywhere, showing any progress or "fruit" for my efforts whatsoever. But Monday I got out for a coffee and spent some time just journaling - in a book :) - haven't done that in awhile! Well, got a few things figured out and chose to be less self focused and think more about others and my family in particular. The words I wrote last night encouraged me, because I was feeling everything but loving being a mom. I have started reading 3-2-1 Magic - a parenting book that two different friends have recommended to me. I am in sore need of something and am looking forward to an even better relationship with my kids.
Probably doesn't hurt as well that I have gotten back into exercising in the past week and the endorphins are doing good things to my brain. :)
Well, the household stuff is calling. We'll see when I post again. :)

First Day of PreKindergarten

R on his first day - boy was he excited! He did so well too, and the anticipation was worse than the actual for this mommy.

Freakin' Hilarious - as the DH would say

Just click on the link - you won't regret it!
Mommy Dearest

Kindergarten, not yet

I am feeling better about keeping R at home for another year. Part of what makes me feel better is that M and I made the decision for sure this morning. I'll tell you why I have been so stressed about it. Jobina commented on the last post that in MB at least the Kindergarten curriculum has been "dumbed down" so much that going into grade 1 and not having done Kindergarten is OK. I actually have been hearing that here in Calgary the Kindergarten curriculum is closer to the grade 1 curriculum - like kids know how to read and are expected to write "short" stories (one to two sentences) by the end of kindergarten, as well as have math skills and stuff, so not sure if AB is more focused on that or what. Most kids know how to write their name, trace letters, etc before starting K, and our son does not and I never want him to feel like he is not as smart as the other kids who could be almost a whole year older than him.
I spent a lot of today calling around seeing if there are any spots available in a preschool or junior K for him and I found a couple of good schools that he could go to - so I am feeling more relieved and feel like I can actually leave for the next 5 days like I planned to.
Well, off to pack! I'll write more when I get back.

Inside voice

My son, who is 4 and a HALF today, just said to my DH - "Daddy, you're not my favorite, Mommy's my favorite."
And even though I protested right away that you can have many favorites and Mommy AND Daddy should both be his favorites, there is a little part of my that is screaming, "Yeah, FINALLY, I AM THE FAVORITE!"

A text I sent my DH an hour ago

I am grouchy!! :(
Not only did YOUR daughter decide to take off her diaper and smear the contents around HER crib - she gave it to her SISTER who decided to EAT some!!
So, 2 clean girls and no hot water later, I am going to start on the MESS of a crib. Wish me luck.
P.S. Our house stinks.
P.P.S. Guess which daughter was the diaperless one? HINT: I now have pics of ALL our kids with poop smeared all over them and their cribs. Does that make us bad parents?

Privileged

You know those Facebook statuses that you copy and paste... well, I saw once yesterday that I had to repost and then needed to add to:
"I am a cook, a housekeeper, a parent, a teacher, a referee, a nanny, a nurse, a handy man, security, and a comforter. I don't get holidays, sick pay, or a days off, I work through the day and some of the night, I am under paid and over worked. Now tell me that YOUR job is harder then mine. (Repost this if you're a mom)"
In the comment section I put this:
"I wanted to add to this - I get hugs from little arms, kisses at any time of the day, grins covered in different colors from crafts. I get soft little bodies that are heavy against you after a good cry and during a reading of a good book. Now tell me that YOUR job is better than mine. :)"
I am privileged enough to be able to stay at home with my kids, see them grow and help them learn so much and be able to witness that, that my husband is committed to me being home with our kids, that I was able to find a job that would let me work from home, around my families schedule, with a company that cares about families. That I am able to not only help my families health, but help other people make their homes and families healthier too.
Yeah for being a stay-at-home mom!!

Not even close to being a Wordless Wednesday

M and I started watching "My Sister's Keeper" tonight. I have had it from the video store almost a week now and have not had the courage to watch it yet. I read the book by Jodi Piccoult for book club - it is still my favorite pick of the books that we have read. I knew, knew, knew that it would be a tear jerker for me - it has proven to be just that so far. My DH looked at me about 15 minutes ago and said that we needed to quit for tonight as he couldn't do anymore tonight. I had to clarify if it was because he was tired or emotionally wrung out. He said "Both - I have kids, two little dollies at that." I think any parent cannot help but be emotionally connected to this story, we all put ourselves in the place of both the mother and the father - what would we do if, God please never my kids, but if something like this happened to my child? To my little A Bean...
Or my K Bear...
Or my R-A-Roo...
I think I would rather die myself. I love this little people so much and would go to hell and back for them, probably fight for them until my last breath. It's what we parents do.
And then I think, "How blessed am I? How blessed am I - that I have three beautiful, HEALTHY children? Thank you God, thank you so, so much for everything you have given me."
Now I am going to go say good night to my kids. Hopefully they don't wake up, though if one does, it'll give me an excuse to cuddle them back to sleep. I may cry on them though...

One proud mama!

After going to the doctor this morning for the twincesses check up (just making sure of growth and yes, they are doing well with K at 19.1 lbs, 2 ft, 7 inches and A at 18.5 lbs, 2 ft, 6 inches), I finally got the SIN # for the girls - after a nice 1 hour wait with all three kids at the Canada government office in Executive One. Luckily I got McDonald's *gasp* takeout to eat in there and then taught the little man "I Spy". He did so well this morning - I was SO proud of him. I was proud of all my kids - we only had a wee bit of crying from A when we were just waiting for the lady to input A's info for her number. It was funny, R started doing "I Spy" while we were in the office with the lady and then sang his ABC song from Super Why. The lady looked at him and said "You're a smart boy, do you know that? How old are you?" She was really impressed and as I got in the car with my kids who, after being gone from the house for over 3 hours, had had NO meltdowns, NO arguments or talking back to Mommy, I was PROUD and so very thankful for the AWESOME kids I have!
(In case anyone is wondering why I was getting SINs for the girlies, you need them to get RESPs.)

Snuggling

I am finding myself thanking God lately that I have kids who are real snugglers. My day started out today with my son waking me up and cuddling up to me for a few minutes. I went to get out of bed and he wrapped his little arms around me and just snuggled right in for awhile, then gave me a kiss.
K has decided lately that she needs to be IN my lap whenever she can be and when she is not, then A needs to be. Both are great at giving kisses, and hugs and K especially gets her entire body wrapped around you in hugs.
I love the feel of their warm little bodies, all close and molded into yours. It is so special to hold them close and experience and embrace the love that is shared between the two of you.
And this is why I find that I cannot do anything but be thankful to God - for my kids, for the blessing they are to me, to M and I together. They are so amazing and I am so incredibly, incredibly full of love for them.

WORDY Wednesday

Last weekend the kids stayed with my parents while M and I were gone. I had everything in order, just in case something happened for them or for us. I included a letter in case they never saw me again, so that they would know how I feel about them. Though I feel like editing and adding more, for today I will just include it here as is, because that is the way I was feeling last Wednesday. I am so blessed to be the mother of these three little people. I cannot describe how much love I have for them.
(BTW - R turned 4 on Monday and the picture is from that day. He has gotten SO big- where did the time go? We had him at the doctor's for his 4 year checkup and he is now 39 inches tall and just over 32 lbs. So, thin, but really what do we expect? :)

October 21, 2009
Dear R, A and K –
Hello my sweeties! I love you guys so much!! I wanted to say that you three have made my life so full, I love being your mommy. You are the best part of me and your Daddy, I love seeing your little smiles and happy faces, I love being the one to hold you close and kiss away the fears and the hurts. I love the way your faces light up when you see me and how you come for hugs.
R, I love seeing you grow up, having you now talk to me, tell me what you are feeling. I love hearing you say “I love you, Mom!” (You sound so grown up when you call me Mom.) I love your compliments and it warms my heart so much to hear you say that I am your best girl! I love seeing you smile so broadly that your dimple shows. I love your laugh and how you ask for more when I tickle you. I love your cuddles and how you love to sleep in mommy and daddy’s bed because it means you get to snuggle. I love how you are a little peacemaker already. I love how you are now playing with your sisters, asking them to come along with you to your room or downstairs. I love your kind and soft heart and how you are so sorry when you have hurt me or your sisters. I love you always, my son!!
A, I love your grin and the way you scrunch up your nose. I love how you try to make people laugh, especially your brother and sister. I love seeing your little mind work, how you are growing and figuring out life. I love how you explore and how you love following Mommy around. I love your smile and your deep throaty giggle. I love how you try to reason things through. I love how much you love baths and how you splash and splash. I love how you love your Daddy, your Grandpa, and your Papa J. I love that you love to play and be rough housed with, R will need that someday. I love how much you love your big brother, how he can do no wrong in your eyes. I love your hugs and snuggles. I love how much you love food! :) I love when you come to see Mommy because you want to snuggle and want to nurse, I love those snuggle times and the closeness we share then. I love you baby girl!!
K, I love your little toothy grin, I love your open mouth kisses. I love how you try to distract Mommy from noticing that you are doing something wrong by giving a cute little grin. I love your hugs and how you involve all your body – legs and arms wrapped around me, head against me. I love that you like to climb up into my chair with me when I am on the computer and if you are behind me you wrap yourself around me to get some hugs in then. I love your adventurous side and how you have to climb everything – finding you on the table is not so much fun though. :) I love how you adore your big brother, how you laugh at your big sister. I love how meticulous you are when you eat and how you mess up your food taking it apart. I love your sweet little voice and how you tell me things, hold entire conversations that you are very serious about that I have no idea what you are actually saying, but you do. I love how you adore your big brother and want to be wherever he is. I love your cute little giggle and how you always want more. I love the snuggles and cuddles we get when you want to nurse, how you are jealous of A when she gets to and you HAVE to have a turn too. I love you, my littlest one!!
I am proud of you three. Proud also to be YOUR mommy! So thankful that God gave me this chance – to have three little people that I get to have such an influence on and raise. I will love you all forever and always be grateful that you are MINE.
Love you desperately, deeply, always.
Your Mommy

Momsense 2 and Dadsense

You may remember the video that I posted before by this lady - apparently her name is Anita Renfroe. I really like her sense of humor - here is her Momsense 2 video...

And I also had to include her Dadsense video for all you dads out there!

Don't know about you, but this has already started at my house. :) Check out some more of her videos on YouTube - she's pretty hilarious!

Just makes you want to melt

R was sitting on the couch today and suddenly said to me, "Mommy, it makes me happy to be with you."
I, of course, had to cuddle him for awhile after that comment.

The Rules of a Toddler!

If it is on, I must turn it off.
If it is off, I must turn it on.
If it is folded, I must unfold it.
If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.
If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.
If it is high, it must be reached.
If it is shelved, it must be removed.
If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.
If it has leaves, they must be picked.
If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.
If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.
If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor.
If it is closed, it must be opened.
If it does not open, it must be screamed at.
If it has drawers, they must be rifled.
If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, monitor, or table.
If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.
If it is empty, it will be more interesting full.
If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.
If it is stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest. It must be pushed by me instead.
If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.
If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.
If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.
If it is paper, it must be torn.
If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
If the volume is low, it must go high.
If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.
If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.
If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth.
If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.
If it is a phone, I must talk to it.
If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.
If it doesn't stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.
If it is not food, it must be tasted.
If it IS food, it must not be tasted.
If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, or toilet water.
If it is a car seat, it must be protested with arched back.
If it is Mommy, it must be hugged.

Why I love my Stay At Home Mom

So I look at my email today and had received this one from my wonderful hubby. Thought I'd share...

"Why I love my Stay At Home Mom-
1. because when I get home from work the food is on the table and is always good.
2. because when I get to work lunch is already made and is always good.
3. because my three tater-tots are being looked after by the best person in the world.
4. because my SAHM was made to be a mommy and that is what gives her the greatest joy.
5. because I can phone her anytime and she is always there.
6. because these days you can make money from home, so why leave?
7. because there is someone running our house rather than the house running us.
8. because... have you seen how cute our kids are? I'd stay at home too just to play."

There were actually ten reasons, but a couple were personal *blush* so I'll keep those to myself. Thank you, M, I love how you take care of us and the fact that I can stay at home. I love our kids and I really love you!

THE INVISIBLE MOTHER

I had this emailled to me a few weeks ago and loved it. Though I am not yet at the stage in parenting that this lady was, I still feel that I am invisible sometimes. Enjoy Mommies, and know that you are doing amazing things!

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.
I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!
Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work; No one can say who built the great cathedrals we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction .But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.
The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my child to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.'
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Loving with all five senses

I am sitting here, typing this with one hand because I have a sweet baby girl sleeping in my other arm. A ate and then proceeded to fall asleep. I always feed my girls AFTER they had a nap so this doesn't happen often. It is a sweet feeling though that I love. Feeling the warm little body, seeing the pursed little mouth and beautiful lashes fanned out, listening to the deep breathing, smelling that wonderful baby smell, kissing her forehead. It's one of the best parts of being a mommy.

Mom Song

My parents found this video somewhere and played it to me on Saturday.

Though my kids are not yet the age that she is singing about, I can only imagine what it is going to be like! Right now I think my song would have a lot of "no, no, no, no, NO!" in it, unfortunately. Oh, well, what can you do?

Prettiest Mom

I have lots to blog about and share, but I am way too tired right now, so I am just going to post a poem that my mother-in-law sent me today.

Prettiest Mom

Before I was a Mom I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom - I had never been puked on. Pooped on. Chewed on. Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried.

I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom - I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom - I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.

On the anniversary of becoming a Mom

Today marks the second anniversary of the day that I became a mommy. R was born at 12:18 p.m. after everything with my labour starting on October 25 at 12:30 a.m. It was a long labour, though I had a really good pregnancy, so I shouldn't complain.
It's amazing what being a mom will do for you. It totally changes you - and you don't mind one little bit. Your priorities are all different, with that little person's needs and wants coming before your own. Every accomplishment that they make is your accomplishment and every time they misbehave, it is you who feels like a failure. That part is not a good thing. But when you discipline and they look at you and say "So-wee Mommy" and then behave really well, then you feel like you did a good job and are raising someone who will contribute well to society.
I love being a mom. And I love staying at home and being a mom full-time. I get to be there to pick him up when he falls. I get to make him his favorite foods and watch him eat it all up and ask for more. I get to cuddle him in close while I read him book after book, over and over. I get to see his little imagination develop and grow as he l=plays with his toys and colors. I love taking him to the library or even on errands (most days) because we are just spending time together. I love singing with him and dancing with him - groovin' to the music while we drive down the street. I love watching "Beggies" (aka Veggies) with him and seeing his little eyes get round with wonder. I love hearing his giggle as I kiss all over his face and tickle him. I love hearing him say "uh-oh" and then come explain to me what happened. I love seeing him play with his little friends and start to interact with them. I love teaching him things and helping him understand what being a responsible person is all about. I just love being a mom.
It's a tough job, but I would recommend it to anyone!