Let's just call it what it is...

...SIN.
At church they have been doing a series called "Have We Missed the Point?" They are talking about various things that the Church (as in evangelicals across Western civilization in the past and present) has believed and has taught is the correct way of believing, but is not necessarily what the Bible says. It is basically to get people thinking about what exactly they do believe and delve into Scripture to see what it says. Anyhow, yesterday Kelly talked about sin. Which is not new to me, is not to you or anyone on this world for that matter. And the things that he said were not new to me or thoughts that I don't haven't struggled with.
He talked about how all sin, ALL, is the same in God's eyes. How we often, and I am definitely guilty of this, rate how bad sin is. That that pastor in Colorado who struggles with homosexuality and went to his church to ask forgiveness of them, as he did God - his sin is so much worse than my slothfulness (laziness). (Do you hear the sarcasm here?) Anyway, it was so good to hear and be reminded of yet again. It is something I tend to let myself forget.
Kelly also emphasized that God's grace, His forgiveness covers over every one's sin, that there is no sin in this world that He will not forgive, all we need to do is accept it. Good reminder, good reminder.
And then last night, I was praying and it hit me. It is so amazing what a 16 month old can teach you about life, yourself and your relationship with the One who created you. I was praying about the things I do wrong, asking God to forgive me from those things and a picture came slamming into my head so clearly of R putting his hand out to touch that thing that I so clearly have been telling him "no touch" since he started to touch it. A little grin playing at the side of his mouth... him not realizing (sometimes in my mind, not caring!) how much this infuriates me. And I say, "no touch" again. And I squeeze his little hand and say "no touch" the second time. And I lightly slap his little hand and say "no touch" the third time. And I slap a little harder, saying "Mommy said no touch" and move him away to show him something else the fourth time. And all this while I am trying to keep my cool and my voice even and my patience, even though I am quite hot under my collar.
So this picture came into my head while I was praying, and I wondered to myself whether God feels like this with me. How many times have I ignored the little voice in my head that is saying "no" that it is not healthy for me to laze around, watching TV. It will not help me to accomplish those things I need to get done. It will not build into my child. It will not strengthen the trust that DH has in me that our household will run smoothly. (This is only one example, and I am not saying that watching TV is a sin, just the excessive watching I was doing in the past that interfered with other things and I knew that I had a problem but wouldn't do anything about it.)
I hope that the next time I hear the voice I listen, or else what kind of mom would I be, to expect my son to listen and not listen myself.
Wow, some days I wonder who is learning from who here. Or maybe we teach each other.